9/10/2023 0 Comments Having dark thoughts for no reasonTo my high school teachers: Fuck you, retards. The typical high-school fantasy of giving your teachers a big fuck you for trying to play the hand of fate on your life. I still have that drive in some ways but it's less of a conscious effort.the unconscious pursuit of becoming better has stuck with me for the most part.Īnyways, I just want to go back to my school, talk to some people in my old school which were seen as competent but ultimately didn't get anywhere. Thankfully I didn't hold onto such an ineffectual stubbornness for too long, I got the main benefits: Exploded self-development, fantastic confidence, constantly running towards failure and generally crafting a life against what people expected. The single-core science classes were laughable, especially the test questions. I wasn't even allowed to do moderately difficult science classes as it was up to their disgression. It was a terrible school, no one believed in me and for a while my ego resided in proving people wrong. Looking back, and comparing myself to thess people I've literally apexed them in so many different ways which is fantastic for my residual anxiety back then. Talking to these people that're old friends from 6 years ago, I am absolutely amazed at how much I've progressed from then. I've been getting recent bursts of social energy, i just sent like a few hundred messages to an old friend in an hour and a half, it's been exhilerating. TLTLDR: Pretty much being an asshole for nitpicking here. I've always had a weird rule in my head I shouldn't go for flatmates, though two people in my flat have a stable relationship so maybe it isn't all that bad. TLDR: the smell is distracting me, even if they don't smell like that right now. Now it's self-sustaining: I started it and she's reciprocating. She knows someone I was interested in a while back and I was pretty into her, flattering her with compliments 24/7 so I think she thinks I'll give her that treatment. She told me quite literally "I'm kind of an attention whore" (Her words, not mine). I think I started it though: I messaged her 12 times to go to a club while I was super drunk, think it give her the hint that I liked her. Now they're looking me to go up to the student treehouse to smoke with them. We're having a party in our accommodation and she's been messaging me drunk to come in for a smoke, I did but left because it didn't seem like we were moving and it was super loud. I think we've been pretty close to opportunistically hitting on each other but due to sobreity and such there hasn't been an easy gateway to it. We went shopping earlier but plain and simple I notice she smelt bad. We've been doing a lot of activities recently but I don't have any commitments like messaging them incessantly during the day.
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